Our Values: CREATING a World for All of Us
Cara Jade Myers
Written by Urban Confessional Free Listening volunteer, Cara Jade Myers. Cara is a writer/actor/director/producer, and you can find our more about her work at her website or follow her on her Instagram page!
I got in a Facebook fight.
It was with one of my oldest friends from high school. We don’t talk much, and life has taken us in completely different directions, as life does.
So, to oversimplify our very long ‘discussion’ –
I posted: BLACK LIVES MATTER.
She responded with: All lives matter.
I am Native American, she is white. The only reason I make this distinction is because multiple people of color tried to explain to her why ‘All lives matter’ is harmful with the unrest going on in the country.
She didn’t listen. We are no longer Facebook friends.
Then I got in a text tuffle with my aunt.
Once again, I posted: BLACK LIVES MATTER.
She said: What about Native lives? And that in 1921 is “when real racism existed… Today it’s not as bad.”
I think the phrase that bothered me the most is “That’s when real racism existed.” So, a man dying on the streets begging for breath is not real racism?
* A little side note about me: I don’t like arguing with people. And I’m not trying to.*
BUT –
I do believe that when someone is in pain, you listen. You don’t try to put an agenda on it. You don’t try to justify it. YOU LISTEN.
*Another side note about me: I love to help people and solve problems.*
So, listening to someone in pain is SO hard for me because I want to take away the pain. I want to solve the problem!
But how do I solve not only a generational problem, but a systemic one? How do I create world peace?
I’ve taken a 3 step approach that has yet to create world peace, but it’s made the world around me better:
Listen. I shut my mouth and listen. If I don’t understand I ask. Then I shut up and listen again.
I become an ally. I ask how I can help. I read. I watch. I listen.
I don’t accept that we can’t solve racism. (Or any other problem.) If I am content with “it’s better than it used to be”, then I am a part of the problem.
I know racism isn’t going to be solved overnight. But I truly believe that if we just listen and empathize, it’s a great start.
“But I’m not a racist.”
Awesome, neither am I. But there’s a lot I don’t know. Like a lot. Part of it is, I was not taught all of American History, just the parts the system wanted me to know.
The other part is as a Native American, even though I’m a person of color, I don’t know what it’s like to be a black person in America. I don’t know the struggles or prejudices black people in America endure.
So, I listen. I listen to their pain, their music, I read their books, and watch their shows. I hope to come away with a glimpse into the life of a black person in America.
And then I go back to my life. Because that is the privilege I have.
I know racism isn’t only against black people. I’m a POC, and if you’re brown, then racism is bound to happen. But right now, it seems to be the biggest divide.
As a Native person, we are constantly fighting against stereotypes, and the idea that our culture and sacred beliefs are simply for entertainment. For years we’ve been fighting for sports teams to change their names and mascots. And for years it’s fallen on deaf ears. But this year, because of the Black Lives Matter movement, people are starting to realize how racist sports teams have been, and they are demanding change! And change has come!
Why? Because people have finally started to listen!
“But Cara, people shouldn’t be rewarded for violence.”
Agreed. But –
The violence was a response to not being heard for HUNDREDS of years. Think about it. In a normal conversation if you have to repeat yourself more than three times, what happens? Frustration and yelling.
Now, imagine terrible wrongs being committed over and over again, without anyone listening when we say it’s wrong. They blame the victim – he was a drug dealer, a con man, he looked suspicious. And they die because of that. The justice system, as flawed as it is, is taken completely out of the equation.
Where do you turn to when the people meant to protect you are the ones killing you?
Imagine if the justice system took the 3 steps I mentioned earlier and applied them.
What if they listened to the pain? What if they became allies by educating themselves? And what if they didn’t accept racism, but actively fought against it?
“Can you imagine a world where EVERYONE actively fought against racism? Where we said NO MORE?”
As a member of the entertainment industry - this is what I strive for! I write scripts that I like - then I insist casting directors auditions/ casts people of color for the majority of roles. I ask my acting manager to submit me for roles that are not just POC roles. And most importantly, I’ve turned down roles that are harmful to POC’s or further saturate the market with false stereotypes. That’s the hard one, because - bills- but it’s the right thing to do, so ultimately it’s not that hard.
This is why I love writing and feel it’s so important! It’s the foundation to educate people on my culture and my experience in the world. I can show everyone the heartache, struggles, pain, and joy of being a Native person in the world today. And in the end people will realize that they too have the same heartaches, struggles, pains, and joys.
It’s also why I love film and TV because I can relate and educate myself on a reality that is not my own. Not only that, but I can be challenged on the long standing systemic biases I have. Because I have them. I’m working on eliminating them, but they still pop up every now and again.
And although the entertainment industry is often seen as the problem, it’s also the answer. Especially right now with so many people asking - “How can we do better?”
It’s that question right there that is going to bridge gaps, and heal wounds.
Can you imagine a world where EVERYONE actively fought against racism? Where we said NO MORE? Where the people experiencing racism are able to openly talk about their experiences, and others LISTENED without feeling attacked?
That is the world I’m excited to see. Where we can all be Facebook friends without fighting.
Our “Listening Values” Campaign
For five weeks, we will be opening our blog page to members of our local and national network to share their stories and perspectives on how the art and act of listening is seen in our organization’s values.